Category: Uncategorized

“Ako’y isang Pinoy, sa puso’t diwa”

This was the first line of a song that my eldest daughter had to learn for one of her class’ performances during this year’s Buwan ng Wika. When she first started singing it, I just found it cute, as she struggled with the words – my daughters have grown up speaking English and are only now learning to speak Tagalog. As she practiced the song over and over again at home, in the car, in the mall, or wherever we happened to be, that first line began to hit me…Ako’y isang Pinoy, sa puso’t diwa.

I grew up as what they call a “third-culture kid”. My childhood and growing up years were spent outside of the country, mostly in Hong Kong (when it was still under British rule). Living an expat life of course had its advantages. We were afforded a standard of living most Filipinos can not even fathom, we grew up surrounded by international classmates which automatically gave us a “world view” of things from a very early age, and we enjoyed having that “expat” status (whether or not we admitted it). I was so disconnected from the Philippines that growing up, it was a “given” that I would pursue my college years and eventually settle down in the US. The option of coming home was not even on the table, until it was time to actually make that college decision.

To cut a long story short, I ended up pursuing my college degree in Manila (Go Ateneo, One Big Fight!) and have settled down in the Philippines. I did eventually pursue my US education when I took up my MBA in Fordham University in New York City, but by that time, I could not think of living anywhere else BUT the Philippines. Back to my college days. One thing that became apparent was how DIFFERENT I was from most of my dormmates (yes, I was a dormer, and proud of it). While all of us were coming from outside of Manila, most of them were coming from different provinces, while I was coming in from a whole different country and culture. And one thing that I envied about them was their rootedness in their hometowns. Sem breaks and holidays were a time for them to go home to their provinces while I took the short-ride to our house in Makati. And while my parents settled in their new home in Makati, the city still did not feel like home to me the way the provinces were home to my dormmates and friends. I suddenly found myself feeling like a nomad, someone without a real home. I was a Filipino, yet I knew next to nothing about the country. I spoke English like an American, but could hardly get out two straight sentences in Tagalog. I was a Filipino in blood and looks, but at heart, what was I? I suspect this is a familiar struggle for many of my fellow “third-culture brethren”.

So how does this tie in with my kids? Well, in a word, I am GRATEFUL. I am grateful that my kids will have the opportunity to find that rootedness in their country early on in their childhood. I am grateful that my daughters will grow up knowing that they are fully Filipino and will develop a love for the country that I only developed in my adult years. I am grateful that when they sing “Ako’y isang Pinoy sa puso’t diwa”, they will do so proudly and without a trace of hypocrisy.

Now, we just have to work on making sure they actually know what those words mean!

Ah, the first day of school. I used to love the first day of school. It was my second favorite school day, second only to the last day of school. The anticipation of what the new school year was to bring. The excitement of what my new classes and teachers would be like (yes, I’m serious). And of course, seeing friends again after whatever holiday just passed was always great. Yes, the first day of school was always exciting because it was a promise of a new beginning.

This school year represents the many “firsts” for my two girls. And while there is always a little anxiety that comes with new beginnings (how will they adjust? will they like this new setup? will they make friends quickly? will they grow in this particular environment? did we make the right choice in sending them here?), that anxiety is, thankfully, overpowered by the excitement we feel for them.

For our eldest, she moves on from the comforting confines of her kindergarten school to a bigger school as she enters grade school. Yes, she is only entering Grade 1, but that jump from Kinder to Grade School seems huge. The bigger school, the “stricter” rules, the big bag filled with textbooks and notebooks, and the fact that she is now in school for the whole day instead of coming home at lunch is huge.

For our youngest, she leaves the VERY comforting confines of her mom’s homeschool into her first “outside” school as she begins pre-Kindergarten classes. The school she is enrolled in, together with the fact that she is in pre-K, means that the actual “workload” (if you can call it that) still consists of basically play with very understanding and caring teachers. But the fact that she has a daily routine outside the house (at least until noon), and that she goes to an “outside” school is huge.

Education has always been high on the list of priorities on both sides of our family. And we consider ourselves abundantly blessed that we can afford this kind of education for our children, which will hopefully set them up for a lifetime of success. Looking back at my own schooling, I have to say, that I probably enjoyed the “extra-curricular” side of school a little too much. I wasn’t a bad student, and I managed to finish all my studies pretty well (even managing to get an MBA!), if not outstandingly, but let’s just say I hope my daughters take after my wife when it comes to study habits!

So, go get’em girls! Don’t take your education for granted, and realized how blessed you are to have this opportunity. From early on, you have both shown amazing aptitude and smarts, and now it’s time to develop those in more disciplined settings. We’re rooting for you all the way. Let’s do this. You got this!

When they’re young, our children see us (parents) as their entire world. Not only that, but in their eyes, we morph into what I can only describe as “superheroes” – as long as Daddy and Mommy are around, everything is a-ok. If our children grow up in comfort, as my children have, they never think about going without. When they’re hungry, there is always food on the table, in the refrigerator, or stacked in the pantry. If they outgrow their clothes, they can always go to the mall to buy a new shirt, a new pair of pants, or that pretty dress they saw last weekend. At the end of a long day, they never have to think about where they are going to sleep that night because their comfy beds, in their decked-out rooms, in their structurally-sound house are always waiting for them. An evening without electricity due to a “brownout” or without water due to “water district repairs” is the extent of the hardships that they have to contend with. And there is nothing that gives a father more joy and relief than knowing that his kids are safe and sound and well taken care of.

But what happens when that safe, secure, “perfect” world is shaken? What happens when things don’t go according to plan and you suddenly find yourself staring out into the abyss, wondering how you got there? What happens when you look at your beautiful children, those little ones who rely on you for everything and take for granted that you can give them everything, and you find yourself terrified about tomorrow? In short, what happens when you are in your own personal desert?

I have just recently gone through such an experience. I had to recently close down my latest venture. That in itself was painful, but like most entrepreneurs, closing down another business is usually par for the course. And for me, it was not the first time. But this time it was different. This time, this shutdown felt more than just the end of this particular business, but an end to what was a decade-long love-struggle with what I have always considered my passion. Not only was I closing the door on my latest venture, but I was effectively closing the door on an industry that, for reasons that are beyond any logical explanation, I still love, and closing the door on a career lifestyle that I had embraced and wanted to sustain until my working days were officially done. So I found myself unemployed, with debts from the business still to finance, a young family to take care of, and absolutely no clue what to do next. That desert sun was beating down hard and there was not even a mirage to give me some fleeting comfort.

At this point I did the only thing I could think of, the thing that my 43 years of Catholicism has trained me to do – I turned to the Lord and pleaded with Him. I didn’t ask Him for a miracle job as if he was Genie to my Aladdin. I simply asked Him to hold me in His embrace and to somehow let me know that He was still there and that everything was going to be ok. I basically turned to my Father and asked him to be “Daddy”. And you know what? He did exactly that and in more ways than one. He spoke to me directly through the scripture readings of that week. Bible verses that I have read over and over again over all these years suddenly came to life. Suddenly words spoken by the prophets, by the psalmists, and by Jesus Himself, were no longer “just words in a book”, but were direct affirmations by the Lord to me that He was indeed there and that everything was going to be ok. And then He worked through others, as he so often does.

My wife was as supportive as always assuring me that we would get through this as we always have. Every “I love you, Daddy” from my girls were like rays of sunshine warming my heart. And then looking at my situation from the outside, I realized how truly blessed I am and have been. My dad sent me to the best schools so I could get the very best education that I could get. And now my dad-in-law, through his numerous business ventures, has presented me with a myriad of opportunities to use my experience to add value to these enterprises. So now I embark on a new journey, excited for what this next step holds for me, but more importantly, relieved in knowing that my family will be ok. From my Father in heaven, to my own father, to my father-in-law, I have been truly blessed to have these father-figures in my life.

I take great pride in being “Daddy” to my two daughters, but before I was a dad, I was somebody’s son. And while I will forever be #prouddaddyof2, it gives me great comfort knowing that I am also, and will forever be, my Fathers’ son.

People always say that after our basic needs are taken care of, whatever money we have leftover is best spent on experiences rather than material things. I have to admit that in my younger days, I never fully bought into that idea. Would a “memory” really ever trump a nice flashy “fill-in-the-blank”? But as I’ve gotten older, and especially since becoming a dad, I can really say that money is best spent on time together.

We just got back from what I have to consider the BEST vacation I have ever had. And the people who I grew up with, and who know the kinds of vacations my parents were able to take us on, know that this is saying something. But this time, my parents really outdid themselves. They basically treated the entire family – the two of them, their three kids and their spouses, and their 11 grandchildren – on an epic Disney vacation. For those keeping count, our entire party equalled 19 people. This has always been my Mom’s dream, and her dream, finally came true. As Disney would say, “she wished upon a star”. So what was in store for us? Let me give you a quick timeline:

May 28, 2019 – My own family (my wife, our two daughters, and myself) flew ahead of the rest of the clan to LA so we could spend some time with my wife’s LA-based cousins. Aside from seeing family, we thought it would be a good idea to give our daughters an extra week to adjust for jetlag and whatnot before the Disney adventure began, seeing that they are the “babies” of the bunch.

June 2, 2019 – We met up with rest of the Pascua clan in LAX enroute to Orlando, the first leg of the Disney trip. While in Orlando, we stayed in my parents’ Westgate timeshare and sunk our teeth firmly into the Disney experience by hitting up the theme parks in Disney World – Magic Kingdom, Animal Kingdom, Epcot. My own family was actually in the exact same spot a year ago (when my dad-in-law treated us) so I thought it wouldn’t be as exciting anymore. But I was wrong. there’s just something about Disney that is literally magical. And I will never tire of seeing my girls’ faces light up being in that magical kingdom.

June 8, 2019 – The reason for the trip begins. We board the Disney Fantasy for the Disney Cruise. I honestly did not know what to expect, though everything I heard about it was great. So, did it meet my expectations?

Let me just say this. If you have kids (and even if you don’t), the Disney Cruise HAS to be on your bucket list. It is truly an experience. Everything from the service to the food to the ambience of the entire ship was, in a word, magical.

Service. Disney is second to none when it comes to customer experience. They know their brand and every single one of their employees live that brand to the fullest. Every staff member from guest services to waitstaff to housekeeping made you feel special and if you happen to be a little girl, well, they will always address you as “Princess”.

Food. The food on cruises have always been highlighted but I did not expect the quality to be THAT high. Everytime you sat down in a restaurant, you had an overflowing selection of gourmet dishes to choose from. And if you couldn’t quite decide, they’d literally bring you everything on the menu. And because the food onboard was already imputed into the cruise fee, you didn’t have to worry about how much that 5-star meal was costing you. Foodie heaven? Yeah, I’d say so.

Ambience. Basically you are living in Disney’s world. The ship is decked out in Disney artwork. The maintenance and upkeep of every corner sublime. And all around you, wherever you went, Disney songs were playing in the background. Then every so often, you would see your favorite Disney characters or Princesses posing for pictures. If you’re a Disney fan (and seriously, who isn’t?) this is one dream you do not want to wake up from.

People always say that after our basic needs are taken care of, whatever money we have leftover is best spent on experiences rather than material things. Based on this last vacation, I can only whole-heartedly agree. I hope and pray that my wife and I can earn enough to be able to give even more magical experiences and moments to our girls. Others can have the designer labels, the fancy cars, and the huge mansions – we’ll spend what extra we have on memories.

We can get so caught up in the everyday “busy-ness” of life that we forget to sit back and actually enjoy it once in awhile. We work so hard to give our kids the best, yet we fail to give them the best of ourselves. We stress and stress over what we don’t have instead of being truly grateful for what we do have. We slave away to “ensure” our future while forgetting to enjoy the present. And before we know it, we are living to work instead of working to live.

One reason I became an entrepreneur was to have more control over my time. True, being my own boss doesn’t mean that I don’t work, but it does mean I have the freedom to choose where and how I work. And while the financial stability of a regular paycheck would be nice, I can not put a price on the time I get to spend with my girls because I am not in a corporate office. As every parent knows, the time you have with your kids when they are this young is so short and it flies by so quickly, and I am absolutely blessed that I can spend as much time with them as I do now.

Leaving Manila a couple of years ago and settling in our new home in the beautiful city of Davao was another unexpected blessing. While Manila will always be home to me, I am fortunate that I can now also call Davao home. The development in this city is extensive (perfect for a city boy like myself!) but, at least for now, a certain “small town” charm remains. And another huge advantage that Davao has over Manila? The proximity to nature. Here, we can get to a beautiful beach within 30 minutes or a mountain top resort within 45 minutes. In Manila, we would have to brave the infamous Manila traffic for hours to enjoy such natural beauty.

So I will continue to work hard for my family, but I will not sacrifice precious time and moments with them just to accumulate more things. Afterall, when it’s all said and done, it’s the experiences with loved ones that are cherished most, and not the things that come wrapped up, no matter how pretty the wrapping paper may be.

“How I wish time would stop.”

“They grow up so quickly.”

“Where did the time go?”

“I still remember when they were babies.”

Sound familiar? Anyone who’s been around parents of older kids would surely have heard these words, or some some variation of these words, muttered. And I get it. As a “proud daddy of 2” young girls who are growing up before my very eyes, I do look back at when they were still tiny babies, completely helpless and dependent on me and their mother. And I do look into the future with some trepidation, waiting for that time when they’ll think it’s no longer “cool” to hang out with the parents.

On the other hand, there are some really great things about seeing your offspring grow into their own persons. Yes, parents look back with longing at those baby days – but do they also remember how HARD it was?! Having another person completely dependent on you is not easy. For me, one of the the things I look forward to is being able to bring my girls out more, being able to “hang out” with them outside the house, even when the sun has gone down. And those days have already begun.

Just last weekend, my wife and I decided to bring our girls to Food Panda Philippines’ 5th Year Anniversary event, “Bites & Vibes”, held in SM Lanang, Davao City. It was the perfect event for us. Various food stalls serving a range of good and affordable food choices, there was live music, and the event organizer did a great job staging the area. All in all it was a really relaxed night that we got to enjoy with our girls. And what was their reaction? “It’s the best night ever!”

Well girls, we look forward to many more of these nights with you. And when you reach that age when you think it “uncool” to hang with your parents, humor us, and sit with your folks, even for awhile.

What’s that saying? “A picture is worth a thousand words”, or something like that. Doing an ad? Make it graphic-heavy and keep the text to a minimum. Presentation slides? Same thing. And in today’s digital, social-media-crazy world, it’s no different. Just look at the Apps that have been created precisely for images – Instagram, Pinterest, PicCollage…and for actual posts, they say the posts that garner the most “likes” and “views” are those with the best images.

Parents are notorious for being click-happy with their kids. And I’m no exception. So, in the spirit of this little piece, I’ll end the text here, and I’ll just enjoy this picture .

For parents, one of the most amazing things is watching your kids grow up and become their own persons. Oftentimes, we look past the fact that they are “real people”, with their own distinct personalities. We get so used to them being “our kids”, as if they were one homogenous entity, that we forget that how we relate to one may not necessarily be the way to relate to another.

My girls are growing up fast, and are at that age when they are coming into their own. They are no longer the babies that we knew back when. And as they grow, the differences in their personalities are becoming more and more apparent. Sure, sometimes it’s a challenge because we have to change our parenting styles depending on which one we are talking to at any particular moment, but at the same time, it is so exciting seeing them become who they are.

Last night was a perfect example of their different personalities. After getting ready for bed, they both walked into our room in costumes. When they did, my wife and I laughed because each costume (picked out by each) represented perfectly each one’s personality.

My eldest is, I guess you could say, the “stereotypical” girl. She loves princesses, dancing ballet, and is so compassionate that she often gets upset just because someone else is upset. She loves art. She isn’t the most athletic child around and is very cautious when it comes to physical activities. She is also extremely affectionate, always ready to give anyone she knows a hug and a kiss.

My youngest is the prankster. She loves to tease, make faces, and tell jokes (that are so cute even if they don’t always make sense). Even if she is the younger one, already we get the sense that she is the more independent one, more willing to try things out on her own. She is also very affectionate, but shows it through her good-natured teasing rather than through hugs and kisses (though once you break through the teasing, she will hug and kiss with the best of them).

My two girls are still so young and have so much growing up to do, and I can’t help but be excited to watch these two amazing individuals grow from the loving children they are now into the awesome ladies I know they will become.

As the end of the school year nears, I realize how much is about to change in the next few months. My eldest will be leaving her beloved Kindergarten and will enter a new “big school” (as we call it) as she enters the first grade. Meanwhile, my youngest, my erstwhile baby, will be spreading her own wings as she enters pre-Kindergarten and her first experience with “outside school” (again, as we call it), after having been homeschooled for the past few months by her mom. These are their first steps into the bigger world beyond Daddy-Mommy-Home. They have so much to learn, so many people to meet, and so many experiences to go through. I am excited for them, but at the same time, I can’t help be a little anxious as they take their first steps out of my embrace.

As parents, we would like nothing more than to hold our children close forever, to protect them from any and all potential danger, to shield them from anything that could break their hearts. But at the same time, we know that they will face challenges, experience heartaches, and will be devestated by failure. Not only will they go through all these, we know that they have to go through them. The human experience would not be complete if it were all sunshine and rainbows. The human experience demands that we suffer some if only to teach us to savor to the fullest the joys that come with living.

As a Dad, my number one job is to love, care for, provide for, and teach my children so that they become loving, responsible, well-adjusted adults. And one topic that I can teach them about, from experience, is failure. I can teach them that failure is not something to be feared, but something to be embraced. Failure is not something to avoid at all costs, but something to go through and learn from. Failure is not something to be ashamed of as if it represents that you are not “good enough”, but it is something that tells the world that you are not afraid of dreaming big and going after those dreams. And most importantly, I will teach them that no matter how many times they may fail, I will be right there beside them.

“Failure is not an option” – a phrase uttered by countless heroes in movies, and a phrase that should stay on screen. In real life failure is not only an option, but a necessity. He who has not failed has not truly lived.

As parents we always want the best for our kids. But what is “the best”? What does “the best” mean? We often fall into the “bigger is better” trap – the more expensive, the more advanced, the more updated, the better. And in today’s digital world, that whole trap can take on a whole new dimension.

But there are moments that pull you back and you remember what it was like to be a child. You remember when you were their age and what moments made you happiest. And if you’re like most people from my generation, your happiest childhood memories are of days spent outdoors, not with fancy expensive toys, but with nothing but your friends and imaginations, running in open spaces without “technology” around to stunt your make-believe worlds.

My daughters are growing up in a completely different world from the one I grew up in, a world where technology is part of them. But there are moments when I am reminded that for kids, regardless of generation, sometimes the best times are spent technology-free.

Truly, many times, the simplest things in life are the best things in life.