One of the hardest, and scariest things, about parenting is trying to figure out if what you’re doing is right, or if it’s the best thing for your child. Afterall, when that baby comes out, nobody hands you an instruction booklet or a “how-to” manual. In addition, you’re dealing with another person, another individual with his/her own personality, intellect, attitude, etc. You are not programming a robot, so what may work on one child may not necessarily work on another child. How parents, as imperfect as we ourselves are, are able to raise smart, responsible, loving, well-adjusted, children is almost as much of a miracle as child birth itself!
We are now smack in the middle of this Covid-19 pandemic that has wreaked havoc on a global scale. For us non-frontliners, the most useful thing we can do, as we’ve been told over and over again, is stay home. Now, that may not sound like the most productive way to spend our lives, but many have found ways to be productive, taking on new challenges, learning new skills, or starting projects that have long been shelved because of our previously “too busy” lives. For my wife and I, we’ve dedicated a lot of this time to our kids, trying to make sure they remain productive and making sure they are not stuck behind gadgets the whole day. We have also recently signed up to an online parenting course, because if there’s one thing always worth working on, it’s developing and trying to improve our parenting skills. We understand that no matter how “good” we may feel we are as parents, we know there is always room to get better.
We just finished Module 1, and one line really struck me – “parenting is the only relationship where the end goal is separation“. Intuitively, all parents know that eventually our kids will leave the nest to live their own lives, but to me, I always saw that as more of a NATURAL OCCURRENCE that was just bound to happen rather than a GOAL. And I guess that’s why it struck me. It was a paradigm shift. Yes, the end result is the same (our kids leaving) but what changed was the journey towards that end, from something that would “just happen” to something that I was supposed to “make happen”. Parenting is the only relationship where the end goal is separation.
One song that I’ve always loved because of its message is “Butterfly Kisses” by Bob Carlisle. For those who don’t know the song, it’s basically a song that a father sings about his daughter and how the relationship changes as she gets older, from a baby, to a toddler, to a teenager, to an adult. And the part of the song that always tugs particularly hard at my heart goes:
“She’ll change her name today
She’ll make a promise
And I’ll give her away
Standing in the bride room
Just staring at her
She asked me what I’m thinking
And I said “I’m not sure
I just feel like I’m losing my baby girl'”…. “
For any father, I’m sure they know what I mean! While we enjoy seeing them grow and watch in amazement as they become their own person, a part of us wishes we could cradle them in our arms forever. I am no different. I treasure every hug and cuddle I get from them now because I know that one day, those long, tight hugs will become quick squeezes before they run off. And that’s how it is supposed to be. Because they are supposed to run off. And I am supposed to help them run off. Parenting is the only relationship where the end goal is separation.
So I look forward to this parenting course because if I cannot stop my daughters from eventually leaving, I want to make sure I equip them the best I can to stand on their own so they can go through life happily and successfully. If the end goal is to have them leave, then let’s run towards that goal purposefully. Parenting is the only relationship where the end goal is separation.